Thursday, July 19, 2007

Beneath the City of the Turkeys Part I.....

I write to you today with a heavy heart. For the past few weeks, the citizens of Belvidere have been enjoying a break in what has been a continuous assault by the Turkey Death Brigades. There have been no fatalities, not even any skirmishes at the Southwest Quadrant perimeter. But there has also been a great sadness as we have not received word from either Duane Frierson or the search party sent out to find him. Just this morning however, I have finally received communication from Duane in the form of a garbled radio transmission. I will reproduce his cryptic words in their entirety:

"Mayor Jenkins. I am safe. Storch's boys are gone. I couldn't get to them in time. Damn toms pecked their eyes right from the heads. Storch and Breech are holed up in some trees and Brim is unaccounted for. Why'd you send 'em Spoon Man? They was just kids and Pinkerton's a damn fool. No time right now. Growing dark. This is big man, really big. Badgers everywhere. I think they're behind the whole operation. You aren't safe . Death from below man, death from below. What's that? Damnation they're on to me. Don't send anyone else Spoon Man. I have to finish this."

I can't be certain but I must take Duane's warning as a serious and credible threat. Thus I have no choice but to place Belvidere on Alpha alert status. This means a 7pm curfew is in place. This means no traffic in or out of the city. This means martial law my fellow Belviderians. School is cancelled. Keep your doors and windows locked at all times. Please report any suspicious activity to the Mayor's office immediately.

Prepare yourselves. All able bodied men, women and children should make ready to defend their homes and their lives. The rest will be used as decoys, and possibly food, and as a labor force for the fashioning of makeshift weapons such a spears and clubs. Begin rationing the meatloaf. One serving per day only. Don't worry, I'll talk to Ronda. But most importantly, pray.


Shinga said...

Is there enough turnip juice and tabasco to allow these brave townsfolk to survive a siege?

Spooner Jenkins said...

The recipe for a good Rum Turnip is fluid, no pun intended, and lends itself to change rather well. I can think of a number of variations, every bit as delicious, that could be put into effect if necessary although it is difficult to imagine a Rum Turnip without and turnip in it.