Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Zoo Improvement Suggestions.....

(Nature lover and zoo patron Duane Frierson.)

Dear Mayor Jenkins,

Hello, my name is Duane Frierson. You may remember the work I did on your dog Buck a few years back. You especially appreciated the hand painted eye detailing and the realistic scrotum. But today I'm not writing to you as an expert taxidermist but as a long time lover of nature and citizen of Belvidere. I have some suggestions regarding the Belvidere Zoo.

1. More squirrels. Due to the deserved popularity of the Friday squirrel fights their numbers are decreasing rapidly.

2. Weekend hours. This one speaks for itself.

3. Bring back the "You catch it you eat it!" policy, though this may put further strain on the already dwindling squirrel population.

4. More air holes in the "Touch and Learn: Mystery Animal in a Box" exhibit in the children's area. Nothing makes a child more sad than a dead pit viper.

5. More high voltage electric fences. They are practical and fun though, once again, I do have concerns about the deleterious effects on the overall squirrel density of the zoo.

6. Get a panda. China has lots of them and I hear they ship in 3-5 business days. Perhaps we could work out some kind of exchange program. I hear they do not have muskrat over there. See suggestion #4 prior as it may apply if this is something you are considering.

7. Enclose the tern exhibit. Damn terns keep stealing my Cheetos!

8. Many animals should be kept in seperate enclosures. I like to see a mountain lion take on a river otter as much as the next guy but is it really the image tha the zoo wants to put forth? Think of the children. You may think that I am being hypocritical in light of my earlier endorsement of the squirrel death matches, however those take place after hours.

9. What happened to the Hobo exhibit? This was my favorite stop for as long as I can remember. As a child I remember bringing week old bread and large rocks to throw at them, ordering them to dance for their supper all the while. Those were heady days indeed.

10. Can I have my dog back?

Duane Frierson


Cathy said...

Well Spooner, it's been awhile but it sure is good to know you are back where you belong.

I shore do hope them travelin spells you were havin are over now.

As for some of those symptoms you mentioned in that earlier post. Well, I got me a few a them. I'm gonna try a colonic cleanse me up, and see if it will help. Sounds like it just might work fine.

But first, afore I go cleansin the colon out much, I best be fixin me up some of that possum an fried tater's. ummm ummm, it shore be sounding like some good eatin to me.

I'll be a stopin by agin real soon.

Spooner Jenkins said...

I don't go 6 months without a good cleanse myself and I don't feel a day over 70. But to be honest, they like it when you fast for a spell before the cleanse.