Friday, June 29, 2007

Reading the Stars with Brim Pinkerton.....

Have you ever wondered what the future holds? I haven't. Well, at least I don't anymore. Why, you ask? It's because I have harnessed the science of reading the stars. My name is Brim Pinkerton and I have revolutionated the science of astrology by finally bringing it into the 2oth century with modern scientific techniques and the incorporation of advanced scientific methods of studying science such as Quantum Physics and more! Plus, I've updated the ancient art of astrological science with several new and improved signs of the Zodiac. And I have done this entirely using science!

(Did you know that science was used by the Right Family when they invented the first airplane and flew across the Atlantic? It's true!!!)

As a scientist for almost 60 years, I have worked on a number of scientific projects here in Belvidere. I was part of the committee that in 1968 first voted to consider updating the filtering process of our town water supply. At first I was skeptical considering that open cheese cloth had been effectively removing large particulate matter from our water supply, such as animal waste and chunks of wood and/or coal. But using modern scientific methods of analyzing data I came to the conclusion that upgrading to an extra fine weave might also filter smaller particles from the water supply such as small chunks of wood and/or coal and waste from smaller animals. Isn't science amazing?

(Did you know that in 1968, Astronauts used science to fly to the moon? They went there to study the effects of moon gravity on golf. It's true!!!)

I also played a key role in scientifically planning the 1973 Founder's Day Party, which included a World of Tomorrow booth. It was there that the citizens of Belvidere were first introduced to the wonders of tomorrow such as color televisions and car radios. Science!!! It was in 1974 that I first discovered the science of astrology and began to work on improving its predictive powers. As modern astrophysics has advanced, with the use of such powerful tools as the Hubble Spaceoscope and Quantum Physics, I too have scientifically improved the science of astrology.

Most people think of the Zodiac as having 12 signs. But did you know that Quantum Physics has actually revealed 3 additional signs. Using these additional signs of the Zodiac, as well as my patented scientific process, I can predict with 100% accuracy what your future might hold. Did I mention that my patented scientific process uses a computer? Computers!!!

(Here's me making scientific adjustments to my astrology computer. Notice my glasses and suit, the kind of clothes that scientists wear!)

But science, as wonderful as it is, isn't free. Because my astrology computer is too advanced and powerful at predicting the future, the government and Army have refused to fund my astrology studies. They refuse to even respond to my requests for financial support. Perhaps they are working on their own astrology computer. But I have the patents. The government doesn't give patents to just anything. So I have had to pay for my own studies here in town on many fine Belvidere citizens.

(Did you know that Einstein was patented by the government and the Army to develop his science advances. He went on to invent the microwave oven and nucleon bombs, with science. It's True!!!)

Listen to these testimonians of satisfied customers!

Being a scientist myself, and a doctor, I was intrigued by Brim Pinkerton's astrology computer. I took part in his scientific studies and discovered many things about my future. And all of them have come true exactly like the computer said! Amazing!!
-Frank Grimes
Town Chiropractor

I took part in Brim Pinkerton's astrology computer studies but wasn't impressed. Wasn't impressed until two days later when my dog Buck passed away for no apparent reason that is. Brim had predicted it! Then other things began to come true. My flowers all died. I had a flat tire when I went out to my car the following thursday. Agnes took a sudden trip to Strang.
-Spooner Jenkins
Mayor of Belvidere

It's hard to argue with results like that isn't it!

(Did you know that the so-called Theory of Evolution is not based on science. None of it. Real science says that we didn't come from monkeys. It's True!!!)

Now that I've used the power of science to prove that my astrology computer is 100% accurate, I want to bring the unparalleled benefits to the world. But I can't do it alone. That's right, I need your help. For a limited time, I will provide you a sneak peak into your future using my scientific astrology computer for the low fee of $37. All the answers you seek are within reach. Call today! I'm in the book!!!


Shinga said...

It is well nigh impossible to argue with those results.

Were it not for my own flooding and natural disasters, I amight indeed have $37 to invest - if only I had known about this before, I might not be in this sorry, soggy state today.

Spooner Jenkins said...

In all honesty, I am beginning to wonder whether Brim's astrology computer is 100% accurate. No, that's crazy talk. Don't listen to me. I've had one too many Rum Turnips tonight.